There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
