I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
