If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
