No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
