GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
