shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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