Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
