Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
