if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
