When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
