Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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