guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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