Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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