wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
