I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
50% drunk capacity currently
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
