Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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