bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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