they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
