I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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