is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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