I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
