This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
