just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
