At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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