Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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