Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize