Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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