I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
