I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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