and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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