Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
