either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
