As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
