Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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