Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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