well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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