Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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