once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
