shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
