hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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