Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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