What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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