Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
