I want to have your abortion
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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