i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
