You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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