The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
