The best revenge is premature balding
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
