I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
