hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Non-Jews are for practice
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
