Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
