all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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