Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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