I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize