is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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