If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
