Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
