Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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