she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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