he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
