There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
