If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
