So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
