So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
