we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize