i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
