I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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