you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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